After a while of dealing with what I perceived as my own reincarnation memories, the questions arose in many different ways: "Was that even me?" and "What does 'me' even mean here?"

The text here first lists some of my strange experiences that are not at all compatible with the idea of who I am that I had as a person in my youth. It then goes on to describe how I have tried to better understand these experiences and how this has changed my idea of what the reality is behind the word "I" that we all naively use.

This is only a brief introduction, of course, but I hope it makes clear how much spiritual experiences can challenge the naive notion of what the word "I" means, if you take them seriously.

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2. Am I what I've experienced in my past life as me, or is that just something I've invented?

Throughout my childhood, I invented entire fantasy worlds while playing, wrote stories and later played pen-and-paper role-playing games. What is interesting for this text is that my respective game selves developed a life of their own and their own personality while they were acting in the game world. While the other players mostly played themselves in a role-playing world, I often played several beings, each of whom had their own independent personality with different characteristics and their own ideas. So they were, to a certain extent, split-off parts of my personality.

The first form in which I asked the question was simply whether I had brought in a real memory or a pure fantasy product as a “reincarnation memory”. I decided in favor of memory of e real former life of mine for several reasons.

The content of my memories was confirmed by other sources. This could be specialized knowledge that I remembered with the content, but also specific memory details.
Working with reincarnation memories produced the same therapeutic results as working with memories from this life. So the traumas I remembered were definitely my traumas.
My character, even before I remembered it, was more understandable with the help of the memories than without, because the experiences explained some things I had always wondered why I reacted the way I did to certain situations.

Fundamentally, however, the relationship between fantasy and reality is a very complex one. We make various errors and mistakes when we try to understand our past lives. This begins with the fact that we use our present worldview to translate reincarnation memories for our present earthly consciousness. However, the worldview of that time was usually a culturally different worldview from another time. If something does not appear in the current worldview, we translate it as something familiar. While I correctly translated horse, ox and donkey, I initially thought that the reptile I had seen as an animal in front of the plough was the most familiar draught animal, a horse, until years later when a therapist asked me to take a closer look. We anthropomorphise animals and we make earthlier unearthly things. It is very difficult, to find out, that there is a fault within the translation, especially in spiritual experiences.
N16. Kersti:

What we experience in our body, is not how the spiritual worlds are for themselves, but a translation made up by our nervous system
Psychological supression mechanisms lead to further errors. The author of a fantasy novel intentionally or unintentionally puts much more of his personal experience into his stories than the uninformed reader would believe. Conversely, our beliefs also have a much more direct influence on reality than we usually think.

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3. Are significant past lives useful boasting?

I am always accused of wanting to be much greater than I am. This feels astonishing because I receive such accusations especially when I am feeling particularly insecure, because I believe that no one is prepared to accept me as I am. In short, if I am too unfocused to simplify things enough for others to understand, they think I am arrogant. In reality, I am tired, insecure or confused. I also often have problems accepting that I was who I was according to my logic. The more important or holy the person in question was, the more difficulty I have with this. Accepting the devil or Xenu as 'me' was much easier than accepting 'a friend of Jesus' or Buddha himself as 'me'.

In my experience, the idea that you can gain recognition by doing this is also wrong. I have only experienced three variations:

Some people reacted as if I had told a nice fantasy story. I've written fantasy and all I can say is that I couldn't tell the difference between many people's reactions to fictional stories and my own experiences. A friend described it in a similar way: 'You talk about past lives the way other people talk about films! - I can't agree with that, because a film or a book I've read is much less personal to me than my own past life. If anything, I talk about past lives the same way I talk about my memories from this life.
Many people reacted defensively. Couldn't you be imagining things? So, if anything, I was making a fool of myself and they were just being polite. I would then explain why I didn't believe it, but a comment like that always made me talk about it the next time they came back to the subject on their own, because I don't want to experience the social upheavals that occur when you go after people with a subject like that.
Then there were people who remembered what happened from the point of view of other people from the same environment. I always agreed with them that we don't understand how we come to have such memories, after all we are not particularly remarkable people, but we have received so many confirmations that on the other hand it cannot be denied. I was always just one of many people who had such memories. So nothing special.

If you remember having been an important person, you obviously won't win any prizes for it and you quickly realize that when you try to talk about it.

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4. The feelings of a life from the history book

In my experience, people who can't remember such experiences think that it would certainly be great to have been an important person. But when you actually remember something like that, the first impulse is to want to run away from the memory. Those who are experienced in reincarnation therapy know that it is not wise to follow this first impulse, but the glamour that those inexperienced with this subject associate with it has long since become stale if you have reappraised real memories of important lives more than once.

Why it is not plausible to see a craving for recognition as the cause of my memories of my life as a high-ranking person becomes clearer if you describe a concrete example of how I came to have such a memory.

Example of a former lifetime, Kersti: Feelings of Hans Hermann von Katte
Years ago - probably around 2009 - I found a section in the Wikipedia article on Frederick the Great in which it said that his best friend Hans Hermann von Katte had been executed on the orders of Frederick's father. I had a strikingly emotional reaction to this, feeling sorry for Crown Prince Frederick and thinking about what it does to a person's soul when their own father does such a thing to them. I myself felt tall and upright. The rest of the article hardly touched me emotionally.
I suspected that my strong emotional reaction had something to do with a previous reincarnation of mine, but I didn't want to deal with it because I thought all these eminent incarnations sucked! So I put it aside.

^{Bildquelle: 1.}

Picture of the execution of Hans Hermann von Katte, which could be found on Wikipedia. The kneeling person represents Katte, who is already kneeling for the execution; the person in the window is Crown Prince Frederick.

Some years later, a friend told me about his strange emotional reactions to people close to Frederick the Great. I remembered my own emotional reaction to Katte's execution, and that I had felt sorry for the king, but that the execution itself had triggered in me that feeling of bigness that I have when I am in mortal danger, combined with what you might call the preservation of one's pride or dignity. It was really strange. Basically, I could only be this Katte, otherwise I wouldn't have these feelings. I still didn't like the idea.
I tried to probe a bit, but my friend couldn't figure out what his position was in this story. I didn't talk about my own emotional reaction to Katte, I think, because he had mentioned a much more peaceful situation.
In 2022 he visited Berlin and wondered how emotionally he had reacted to his visits to Berlin and especially to all the buildings that had to do with the time of Frederick the Great. This time I told him that I felt I was Hans Hermann von Katte. I also thought he was Frederick, but I didn't say so.
After another visit to Berlin in October 2022, he talked about the royal family's porcelain collection that he had visited and how beautiful it was. He would NEVER have been interested in porcelain, but that! We got back to Hans Hermann von Katte and he claimed that I had said that he had been this friend of Frederick's. I was astonished because I certainly hadn't said that! I knew better than that.
I mentioned Katte's execution and noticed that he also reacted very emotionally to it, except that he felt sorry for Hans Hermann von Katte. At some point during the conversation he said that he still didn't know who he really was. I half-jokingly called him Freddy and made it clear who I really thought he was.
After that, his theme was guilt. It was his fault that I was executed. My subject was Frederick's father some time before. He had grabbed me between the legs and I had slapped him in the face. All in all, the influence of my family and my own tactics to make him realise that it wouldn't work had been enough to keep me from being executed at the time, but I had been quite afraid at the time that I wouldn't get out of there alive, and so I felt that my execution had less to do with Frederick than he imagined. I hadn't been able to tell him that at the time, if only because I hadn't had the opportunity to talk to him unobserved. I couldn't get it across to him today either, although we could talk openly now.
Between that episode with the slap in the face for the king and my execution a few years later, I got a pretty clear sense of how I felt about my life. Although I took a decidedly uncomfortable stand, I always felt that I was skating on very thin ice and had to tread carefully so as not to put myself in danger. But acting scared would not have been a good tactic, because Frederick's father would have used it to take my breath away. I wasn't sure why I always felt I was near the king, because I certainly wasn't happy there. I even felt that I couldn't visit my own family, with whom I had a good relationship, especially my father, who seemed close to me.
I had the feeling that I had said goodbye to Frederick before I was executed, trying to make him remember our last meeting. I felt that I had told him one thing above all: 'Don't let it get you down'. The situation felt hopeless to me. I think I thought, 'Now he has the excuse he needs. I knew I wasn't going to get out of it alive and I worked hard to keep myself emotionally balanced. I thought a lot about how the people close to me would cope with my death and tried to comfort as many of them as possible.
I felt that the people who guarded me after my capture were good friends and comrades. They belonged to the same unit as I had, and each of them was looking for ways to make it easier for me and to give me a last happy time. Frederick was younger and I felt responsible for him and thought I should have found a better solution, even if I couldn't think of one afterwards. I got the feeling of a young man who was very desperate and had suicidal thoughts. I was asked indiscreet questions about his little childhood secrets and I said I wouldn't answer those things because the Prince was my friend and it was simply inappropriate not to give a teenager personal space. I got the feeling again that I was skating on very thin ice and had to choose my words very carefully, and a sense of my determination not to grovel because I had some kind of human dignity. Besides, it wouldn't have helped me to give in anyway. When people lose respect, they become vultures.
We had been on the phone for twelve hours and now it was really time for a break.
The next day I did several things. I talked to another friend about the subject and she said that I absolutely had to write it down in order to work it through properly, a thought that I didn't like at all because I felt that it would result in another frustrating task that would be impossible to complete because of all the negative feelings that would come up. However, I needed an example of what it felt like to work through something, and this was one that was recent enough to be relatively accurate and realistic. I googled Hans Hermann von Katte and found some inappropriate things. The picture in the Wikipedia article looked like I was begging for my life. How cheesy! But I could feel that I had wanted to comfort and encourage Frederick. Besides, I knew only too well that begging would have got me nowhere! And I didn't know anything about the escape. I knew that he would have preferred to run away and that I had tried to talk him out of it, although I understood him only too well, but I didn't know anything about the actual escape plan and therefore couldn't have prevented it. I hadn't said anything to anyone about the prince wanting to run away, because that would have caused problems for him and for me, and it would have been interpreted as complicity, no matter what I said. I didn't blame the prince for trying to escape, because I knew how desperate he was, but from the beginning I thought it was a stupid idea that wouldn't work. What was confirmed, however, was that I had been remarkably composed and had made sure to send a farewell message of encouragement to everyone in my personal circle. So I emailed one of the texts to the friend who had been Frederick^2..
The next day I tried to write this text here and gave up after the first three paragraphs because so many oppressive and negative feelings came up that I couldn't formulate another sentence. Then I tried to write down the memories of my life at that time and also gave up after the first paragraph because I was completely emotionally blocked. My God, that life had sucked!
So I rang the friend who had been Frederick again and he said I had ruined his morning. We went back to the execution that the text linked in the email was about. I remembered that Frederick had wanted to run away and that I had told him not to because it wouldn't work. I didn't mention this to anyone because it would only have caused problems. It was much more difficult for a Trohn follower to escape than it would have been for me, for example, because his father would have sent an extradition request to any foreign head of state and he would have been extradited if he had been recognised. Every foreign head of state would have wanted to return his son to his father. I felt helpless because I knew how desperate my friend was, but I couldn't help him. The father was really unbearable in his constant cruelty and the eternal humiliations he inflicted on Frederick, and in his complete lack of understanding of what he was doing to the young man! I thought that my own situation was much easier to bear because I had more inner distance from the king.
However, I also had the impression that I had a plain room with no personal belongings, not because I was not allowed to personalise my room, but because I was very careful not to give the king any indication of any personal weaknesses that he might use to hurt me. I knew he would exploit any weakness he thought he had discovered. He could be incredibly cruel and tended to see harmless objects as a betrayal against him. I knew that he would have much less problems with treason if he didn't hurt everyone he could.
The former Frederick mentioned the Langen Kerls, a troop of his father's which had been selected solely on the basis of the soldiers' appearance. He said he thought they looked like overgrown tin soldiers, a statement I found very inappropriate. Two words immediately came to mind: 'His harem'. It was probably an expression I had only used in my head, but I immediately had a picture in my mind's eye of a young man hiding in a secluded corner of the barracks compound, crying. I asked him sympathetically what was wrong, and he lamented his sorrow to me. I replied that I knew Frederick's father was like that and that I was just lucky that my father was better able to protect me. I said nothing more because I had to keep silent about my slap and the reason for it. But I thought to myself that the young man from a humble background would never have got away with such a thing. It was close enough for me. I probably had a good relationship with some of the Tall Guys, characterised by mutual understanding, even if there was a certain distance because I came from the nobility. In general, I had the impression that various people had complained to me, even about things they should have kept quiet about, because if I had talked about it - which I never did - I could have got them into serious trouble.
An oppressive sense of life!^3.

The experience of working through it is very different from my written story of the same life. The first obvious difference is that when you work through it you are often flooded with very negative feelings, while the concrete events and facts remain very vague and unclear for a long time. You also have to bear in mind that in the 'How does it feel to work through it' version, I have condensed several days of talking around and chasing vague feelings into a few paragraphs of text. So I struggled much more with negative feelings than this short text suggests, but in the text I listed all the concrete facts I had gathered over the days. In the written life story, on the other hand, the facts are the main topic and the feelings are only mentioned in passing.

So the answer to the question in the title is: No, I don't want to! Those were shitty lives! They come with far too many negative feelings. But since when can you choose your own lifes based on how they makes you feel?

In the life of Hans Hermann von Katte, I was not really important, but in others I was; in the lives where I was an important person, I usually first remembered unpleasant situations from that life, which I worked through, and after I had dealt with the life for a longer time, I gradually got the general circumstances of the life; for example, in the life where I had been a friend of Jesus, I first remembered my death, and there was no indication that this death had anything to do with a life with Jesus. Very often I only found out who it was after years of dealing with a life memory. In many cases I have no earthly connection to my memories because the life was too long ago or too far away for me to necessarily recognise who it was.

Overall, a life in which I was responsible for ten to a hundred people felt usually fulfilling and enjoyable; when I was responsible for more people, for example because I was king of a small city-state or held an important position in a larger empire, it was a recipe for unhappiness. It was not because of my personal relationships. Even then I usually managed to create a close-knit environment where people trusted and supported each other. I was unhappy because I had too much responsibility and the work I had to do to get everything right was unmanageable. I was usually considered a good ruler, and the people loved me, but I felt overworked and unhappy, and regularly realised that I had overlooked important things that I should have taken care of. I also neglected my own personal needs. I know other people who have experienced the same thing as me. Others, who had also experienced the phenomenon of remembering different lives as high-ranking personalities, told of courts where they had suffered most from the fact that everyone schemed against everyone else, and especially everyone schemed against the ruler. In these cases it was because they wanted to be rulers, but only for their own sake. They lacked the awareness of their responsibility in those previous lives.

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5. At every important event in world history, I found a person close to the center of the action who I felt was me and from whose perspective I could work through the story

The next question, which regularly led me to the conclusion that I was suffering from delusions of grandeur, was: Isn't this all a bit big? It started with me believing I was John, Jesus' favorite disciple. It continued with me actually finding a person close to the center of every important historical event, who I felt was me and from whose perspective I could process the story. What on earth is THAT?

Let me give a few examples to illustrate why this presented me with a massive logical problem.

I was Moses
I was Buddha
I was Plato
I was John, Jesus' favorite disciple
I was a foster brother and slave bought as a playmate of Caesar
Widukind
Pope Honorius
In the Third Reich, I was a superhuman without a bourgeois identity who knew Hitler, Göring, Himmler and Karl Haushofer personally
I was a senior US intelligence employee who worked closely with Kennedy
I was a person who was on first-name terms with Hubbard

The list is incomplete. If I haven't listed every important event here, it's not just because this list is incomplete, but also because the list of "important" people I've found so far isn't the main reason why I know this will work with every important situation. The main reason is that it has worked with every situation I've tried so far, no matter how important or unimportant the people or situation involved are. And if it has worked with every single unimportant situation I've tried so far, then it's no surprise that it will work with the important situations too.

But that also means, logically, that I am neither particularly important nor particularly unimportant, because I was present in every important situation as well as every unimportant one. The fact that I discovered a former me in important situations was mainly because you can find out about them quickly and therefore I asked "Was I there too?" more often for important situations than for unimportant ones.

By the way, I'm not the only one who has experienced this. I've seen at least 10 frieds om mine doing the same thing.

But - what exactly is the "I" that I have called "me" here?

This was not compatible with my previous understanding of what the word "I" means and what the reality behind our sense of self is, because if one assumes that in such a situation perhaps 20 people play an important role and that I have found an "I" in every such situation so far, "I" must comprise at least 10% of the world's population!

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6. Experiencing other selves as me and the sense of self

When I remembered my past lives, however, I realized that I could not only experience myself as I was, but I could also experience the perspectives of the other people involved as if I had experienced it myself.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: ... and suddenly I experienced the situation from the point of view of this asshole
I was busy looking in one of my past lives. I thought to myself, "What was that asshole thinking?" and suddenly I was experiencing the situation from that asshole's point of view. As that asshole, I felt caught up in a whirlwind of problems and only saw the other person as someone I could get what I needed from. I was not aware that the other person - who I had initially perceived as me - was an independent being with needs and feelings.

This happened to me often, it confused me and I asked myself, which of all these people was I? But first I noticed that the different people felt very different and at first only one of the people involved in each story really felt like "me", all the others felt strange and when the situation was too exciting I always lost my grip on the stranger, only to experience myself again - that is, my self in the reincarnation memory - as me.

A few years later, this problem took a turn for the worse: I was reliving lives in which several of the people involved felt like me, some so much so that I couldn't decide which of the two people I was. In addition, there also seemed to be all gradations between "feels like me," "feels a little like me," and "feels completely alien."

Although many of my former selves were similar in character, if I go back to very early experiences, a previous self could have very different ideas about what is good and right and what is wrong and still feel very much like me. Previous selves could have a similar temperament to me, or completely different. Previous selves could be very similar to me or very dissimilar to me. That was obviously not how I recognized myself. When I had united with one of my other selves, I could perceive such alien intentions as right, such as "If I can't wage war anymore, I can't do anything interesting anymore!" or I could experience pain as pleasant. This was independent of whether this being felt like me or felt alien.

Some beings felt like me, others didn't, and there were all sorts of transitions between this feeling of being me or not being me.

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7. Spiritual experiences which resemble fairy tales

Since I was not raised religiously, many of my spiritual experiences seemed more like fairy tales to me. Very absurds fairy tales, if you ask me!

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: Mahakala is cute!
During one of my last attempts to exchange ideas in an esoteric forum, someone posted a picture of Mahakala - he had had good experiences meditating on him.

Early 15th century depiction of Mahakala from central Tibet. Not the image posted in the forum but similar.
I looked at the picture, thinking that it looked like a picture of a particularly kind little devil. I noticed how a much higher part of me was paying attention with interest and I connected with the consciousness of this higher part, so that I experienced the following from the first-person perspective. I thought:
"That's a part of me. It's cute!"
We established contact with him and I witnessed a very friendly conversation with Mahakala from the perspective of this higher part. And my higher part saw Mahakala as the sweetest, cutest, most lovable creature he knew and I felt this attitude intensely. Mahakala also enjoyed this loving treatment very much.
I knew it wouldn't have been a smart idea to write "He's so cute!" in the forum, but even though I didn't write that sentence, far too much of that "He's so cute!" feeling must have gone into my answer. In any case, the person who posted the picture felt extremely offended that I called Mahakala, a protector of Buddhist teachings, a "nice guy". I thought to myself: "I am an idiot! I know that Maha means big and that a being with Maha in its name must therefore be pretty high up in the relevant hierarchy of gods!"

There were many mythical creatures, that I experienced as me in the spiritual world. First of all in a wood, which is my wood in the spiritual world I am a shapeshifter who usually travels with a pack of wolves. When someone is lost in my wood who would fear the wolves I tell the wolves to stay behind and show the guest how to find his way. This is in fact easy: Imagine your destination. Than the trees will shift their position and a trail leading to your destination will appear. There were two female personalities of mine who did this. A being named Kemahrah and the godess Diane. I experienced these wolves - including Fenrir - as friedly beings, who care for the beings who would be hunted by wolves in the material world.

They were not the only Gods I perceived as me. I noticed that "I" am the Devil - which is actually the same as the god Tyr. But I am not Satan and not Lucifer who are two different personalities from the devil. Additionally I am Ariman and Cernunnos. These were memories of events in spiritual realms, but they really didn't help the whole thing to seem any more reasonable to me. The fact that I was far from the only one to experience such mythical beings as I did led a friend to reply to an email in which I was surprised that I only had to talk to someone on the phone for him to come to the conclusion that he was the brother of an archangel: "That's completely normal. Everyone who talks to Kersti on the phone comes to the conclusion that they are an archangel or something like that!"

Furthermore, one could not seriously claim that this "I" had nothing to do with me. When I worked through the problems I perceived, it changed my personality here as Kersti, made me freer and more flexible in my actions.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: I don't want war!
It only got really exciting between April and December 2001.
I met a few people in the forum I had about reincarnation at the time. They weren't the only ones who were discussing things there, but they were the ones who spoke to something deep inside me, and so I was happy that we soon exchanged emails privately - soon there were three of us, because we were talking about the same topics anyway.
At first we talked about various strange experiences and about what a world view could be like that could adequately explain such experiences, and more generally about God, this and other worlds. Then we told each other what we had noticed while half asleep. As a result, I suddenly remembered hours of adventures like this every night - I wasn't sleeping in the true sense of the word, but my consciousness was moving around in the spiritual world while I was in this world in bed and half awake. Sometimes until it got light again - before I really fell asleep - but I was still well rested.
We exchanged information about it via email and added other people to our email group. And what I observed - and what they remembered, what they felt - was so similar, as if we had actually met there and had experienced adventures together, which each of us later described from his own point of view.
One could still have thought that the whole thing was a product of the imagination exchanged telepathically, if it had not had an obvious influence on the weather, computer crashes and the like. Sometimes fleas also appeared out of nowhere and vanished in a way real fleas wouldn't have vanished.
The feeling of urgency that my ego in the spiritual world sent to me here was so strong that I spent nights trying to get everything done that I had to do over there. And to exchange the emails that I wrote to myself with those who were also involved over there. But I couldn't quite believe it. It was too unbelievable.
We brought the negotiations with the vampires to a successful conclusion. But one day after that happened, two planes flew into the World Trade Center. And I was shocked to the core. The American president said: That means war.
I asked the subtle world how that could be and received the answer that they did not want to wage the war that was at issue, but that this action had already been underway when the outcome of the negotiations was clear and it could no longer have been stopped. They said that they still want peace.

I still think we prevented World War III. However, I suspect that more people on Earth participated in the negotiations than just my email round.

In the following years I worked mith many different people on many different political conflicts to prevent wars. I feel that in many instances that did in fact work. But in the Russian invasion of Ukraine it obviously didn't work. In fact my friends and me were informed in the spiritual world that if we try to discuss the war with Vladimir Putin any further he would start a war against Germany.

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8. When you experience an entire organization as "I"

In some of my experiences I experienced something as me that seemed to me like an organization or a state in which I could either experience the whole as me or an individual being.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: I felt as if I was an organization with hundreds of employees, all of whom I experienced a little bit a me
The Akashic Record is the subtle Internet with private access via one's own memory, comparable to a home computer, Internet pages, servers, databases, search functions similar to Google. It is often referred to as the library of all the knowledge of earth.
At the end of March 2004, I was given the task of repairing the Akashic Web. If I wanted to apply this to myself personally as Kersti Nebelsiek, it would be like one person repairing the Internet alone - which is pretty absurd. It didn't feel like I was just one person, but rather like I was an organization with hundreds of employees, all of whom I experienced a little bit a me. How I experienced each individual employee varied.
There was a general blurred background perception in which I perceived everything a little and nothing exactly. In this state I got an impression of how huge what I perceived as me was and could well imagine that this being perceived as me could actually encompass the entire world, as the Akashic Records are supposed to do.
In addition to being able to perceive the whole, I was also able to concentrate on parts of this whole, zooming in on details, so to speak.
I was also able to sense the energy that flows through the energy lines of the Akashic network. Then my feeling was very diffuse and less personal. I had only a weak sense of self, but I got an impression of where the energy could flow and where there were obstacles. I got an impression of the shape of the entire system. If I concentrated on parts of it, I could use this form of perception to locate blockages in the lines and energy leaks.
Sometimes I was the organizer, sending workers to where they were needed. It felt like having a widely distributed body of which each worker was a part. I called the workers with short mental impulses and told them telepathically what they were needed for. I could zoom in on individual work groups or to one single person.
For example, I zoomed in on one worker who was repairing a main Akashic Web line. The line looks like a hose that is between one and two meters in diameter. First, I looked at the obvious cracks in the section of the main line that I had been assigned to repair. It had not been used for a long time and looked very cracked. I spent some time cleaning the edges of the cracks and healing them to the point that the energy line looked new to me. I reported that I was finished. When the other co-workers had made the same report, I changed my perception focus and felt the nearby distribution station take note of these reports and send a little energy to the line. It was less than 1% of what the line can pass through at full power and the energy contained an additive that detects hairline cracks and glows colored when it passes through them. I switch back to the repairman, who looks at the places on the line where the glowing lines can be seen and also patches the hairline cracks marked in this way, as long as he can't find any more hairline cracks and reports this after a careful inspection. Now a little more pressure is applied to the line and new hairline cracks become visible, which are also patched. This is done until the line still functions properly even at more than twice its rated power.
As an organizer, I witnessed the restart of individual Akashic Web servers. It was like a factory hall that had not been in use for a hundred years: broken machines, dust and cobwebs. So first people are called in to clean everything by shining flashes of light on the dust until it reassembles into what had been broken down into dust. Then the major repairs are carried out that would not have happened on their own using this method. Everything is reconnected correctly, broken parts are repaired. Then the individual parts of the system are electronically measured and damage to the wiring is repaired. As soon as the server is technically functional, the data on the server is examined. A virus scanner server checks the server for computer viruses - or more precisely, the subtle counterpart to this. Then it is checked what data is available, whether there are any gaps in the data, whether we have backup copies on other servers with which we can supplement the missing information. We check whether there are any contradictions with the information on other servers and try to find out how these can be resolved so that it becomes clear what actually happened. I get to see the various activities from the perspective of various helpers and also experience some things from the perspective of the virus scanner server. To this day (2023) I find Akasha servers that I had not found at the time of this repair and subsequently integrate them. The Akasha Chronicle is therefore obviously not a complete database of all knowledge, otherwise you would not have to check for errors and gaps and would not be so enthusiastic about discovering knowledge on Akasha servers that have not been active for a long time.

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9. Goddesses and gods

Such an organization is still on a human scale, but in one of our episodes of experiences in higher realms, a friend of mine perceived herself as a universe dragon, pollinating flowers that were actually universes. This universe dragon found the universes cute and felt towards them as we humans feel towards children. Of course, to our human consciousness, the idea of "cute" universes felt downright absurd and therefore funny.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: About gods and little devils
Shortly before I became an undead and during my time as an undead, I had the following feelings.
I had no memories of what had happened before, of the wrongs I had done, and of the wrongs others had done to me. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to be good.
The only power I believed in was an evil, anonymous being that had tortured me. The being looked like an angel. When someone told me about God back then, I assumed that they were talking about the master of these beings and I was afraid of him. Logically, I therefore told anyone who asked me that I did not want anything to do with God, that he is evil.
I felt guilty for everything, even for things that I had clearly not done. I was in constant pain, was unable to be born as a human being, and therefore inhabited corpses because I was equally unable to feel comfortable without a body. Every sign of joy frightened me because I couldn't imagine joy and believed that a smile was a baring of teeth, a threat. Although I was very careful to act decently and be kind, feelings and love were completely outside my experience.
When I had more contact with people towards the end and after my time as an undead, I noticed a strange phenomenon: I noticed that there are people who believe in God. Some claim that God is a being who demands to wage wars and torture and execute people. Others claim that God is a being who loves everyone, forgives them everything and respects their freedom. By now I was also quite capable of imagining loving, powerful beings. However, I had my doubts about the two contradictory versions and thought that there must be something else behind it that did not deserve the name God.
And somehow there were still the vague memories of bright beings torturing me and telling me that I was evil and mean to me. The descriptions of angels therefore really frightened me. I was both skeptical and cautious. God was not perceptible to me at the time, but I could not rule out his existence either. I did not join the believers because I was afraid of falling into the hands of a spiritual being who would misuse me for negative purposes. I preferred to stick to what I could judge and to do what I felt was of benefit to me and my fellow human beings. - This slowly but surely helped me.
From my current perspective, it would have been reckless at this stage to join any of these mutually exclusive religious worldviews because I would have been unable to choose what was right and helpful for me from the vast range of religious guidelines. And I think that if there is a good God, then he should also be able to recognize that the clearly expressed willingness to accept help from anyone who has something healing to offer me is also directed at the good Lord.
Later, with the help of a monk and the meditation he taught me, I became aware of my inner light.
After that, as he had told me, I confused my group soul parts in the inner light with God and therefore believed in God. From my perspective today, that was a harmless mistake: the members of my group soul there did not abuse the trust that I gave them.
It was only in this life that I learned to enter into my inner light and a strong disillusionment followed. The feeling that what came from the inner light was infinitely holy and loving was suddenly gone, but I saw that those who were on the other side of the door were also just group soul parts like me.
I don't mean to diminish the work they have done, but I simply have a deep need for someone greater and wiser than me to protect and care for me - and since the moment I saw their all-too-human mistakes and weaknesses, I know that it is wiser to rely on my own judgment, now that I can look up everything they know in the databases there myself and no longer have to rely on their expert help. And so I am thrown back on myself, and many need my care, while I somehow come up short.
I doubted again that God exists, but Thi'ah'nah disagreed, she said she could feel it very clearly within herself. And so it happened as it had happened with my God: We discovered that there was an even higher level and that beings lived there who were no wiser than us.
And that was just as sobering for Thi'ah'nah as it was for me.
I have since come to a somewhat heretical view.
As a devil, whenever I see a god, I blame him for all his crimes and than I wait for an answer. But as a big devil, I know how it feels if a small devil comes and blames God for all his crimes as he will experience me as god. First of all I tell him that I am somwhat bigger than him, but that I am not God as there are beings that are much bigger than me. Than I go through his list with godly crimes. If a crime is in fact a fault of mine, I will correct it as good as possible, will heal inflicted wounds and so on. If it is something done by someone else I will tell that I am not the perpetrator but try to help hin nevertheless.
Afterwards the little Devil is satisfierd as maybe I am not God, but I am good!

Futher reading about gods:
N2. Kersti:

Good and evil gods
N2. Kersti:

Sensing God in all
N1. Kersti:

Evil spirits are traumatized souls

Content

10. Amazingly small selves and other nonhuman selves

The fact that I can experience a wide variety of beings from the first-person perspective also applies to astonishingly small beings. But while I can certainly perceive something as large as a universe as "my" self, my sense of self recognizes that beings smaller than my earthly self are not my entire self, but only a part of me. When I connect with a larger self, I feel "myself" larger; when I connect with a smaller self, it feels more like the small self is a part of my body.

If I split off a very small part of my personality in the astral world, the following may happen

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: The Creation of a Fly
I concentrate on a spot on my wrist and imagine the shape of a fly. First a bump forms, which then takes on more and more of a fly shape until the finished fly takes off and flies away to explore something. I stay in touch with its consciousness so that I can immediately experience the details it perceives.
Outside of the center of my bigger self i feel a lifely fly-feeling. I - this smaller I - wiggle my wings explore my environment and bumg against something hat. In tapping along I explore the form of the hard thind and as iot moves, I notice that it is some human. It smells like a human and possybli the liquid on its surface is edible. It is salty and licking and sucking it in seems like a good idea.

In the astral world I create objects in the same way. On earth, one usually imagines that an object has no consciousness and therefore one cannot talk to it and it cannot make decisions. For the objects in the astral world that is not true:

Sword memories
After I found my crystal sword, which I had created a long time ago, I had the idea to ask it what it had experienced in the meantime. It gave me its memories of the time when I was separated from it and I was shocked.
I had originally created the sword to defend myself. Later I used it almost exclusively for healing. When they took my weapon away from me I was unconscious because an explosion had torn me up pretty badly.
The sword, being more stable, took less damage and tried to heal me, but before it could do much, someone who had taken the form of an angel grabbed the sword handle to take it away. The sword was outraged, made a sharp blade where he grabbed and cut the thief. He cursed, looked where the handle was and grabbed again. This time he burned his fingers. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, the thief changed his tactics and put the sword in a box.
The sword tried to cut a hole in the box to fall out, but was unsuccessful as the box got harder and harder while the sword made its blade sharper to cut through anyway. The box deformed to break through the sword... the wrestling match between sword and box continued until the box was finally opened.
The sword catapulted itself out of the box and tried to crawl away like a snake, but was stopped by someone hitting it with a large blacksmith's hammer. The sword froze in pain and, before it could regain its composure, was held in place with a pair of pliers and struck again and again until it lost consciousness.
The sword awoke when another part of my group soul recognized it and contacted it through the group soul connection. To its horror, it found that it was hanging in a scabbard on an enemy's belt. The group soul part explained to it how to jump back to its main part in order to reintegrate. The sword then did so, but unfortunately it was unable to shake off the scabbard.

Something, we won't consider to be a being could have interesting perspectives too. I experienced An'tah, Fen'ar, C'her'ash and Is'ah'tah all in turn as me.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: About corridoring

An'tah one of the Core Akashic Record Access Points writes:
The playing part, Devil, who wanted to get me to play, discussed with me for a long time what I would be willing to play, but everything he suggested was too active for me, and finally he agreed with me that I would just be a corridor through which people would walk.
I have to say, that seemed far too active to me, because such corridors echo when beings take steps, they change the direction they lead in depending on the requirements of the chronicle, and they stop people from going in the wrong direction by having floors, ceilings, and walls. Such corridors even produce their own gravity. That's quite a lot of activity, if you ask me.
So I corridored. That's what it's called, isn't it? There has to be a verb for that if there are so many actions involved!
I quickly realised that I found it incredibly exciting. Every time I touched their feet, vibrations ran through my entire length that felt really strange and I could noticeably change their steps just by swinging differently. They talked to each other, but what interested me most was the echoes, which you could change so that people suddenly behaved completely differently and thought completely different things. And if you changed it a little bit, they felt a lot of fun.
The thing with reflecting light was also exciting. Depending on how much light you reflect, people walk faster or slower. Certain light patterns put them in a good mood, while others make them sad. I tried out which light patterns you have to create to put them in a wonderful mood.
And there are also a few things that I have never understood, because they carry around all this unnecessary junk that they call "implants". They hold on to them really tightly, but they still claim that they don't want them. I tried out what kind of music you have to play to get them to let go.

Fen'ar of Akashic Record Security writes:
I was given the task of keeping a very careful eye on the corridor-playing access point and doing absolutely nothing but monitoring what he was doing. With a corridor that has been a corridor for many thousands of years, you know that he will remain a corridor out of habit and faithfully do his job, but the Akashic Record Accesses are so loosely set in their ways that you never know what ideas they will come up with when they try to be a corridor.
I noticed the first oddity almost immediately. The corridor became longer and longer. People entered the corridor from both sides, but they never came out the other side. Eventually the corridor formed a ring so that the visitors always walked in circles. I considered whether I should intervene, then I looked at the visitors and decided that it was not necessary.
All the beings that walked through the corridor were in a very good mood and seemed to feel at home there. They didn't seem to have noticed that the corridor was actually too long and they didn't seem to be bored either. I was also curious to see what else the Akashic Record Access Point would come up with next.
The patterns on the walls were strange. They were delicate, very beautiful colors in which you almost thought you could recognize something before the shape disappeared again as if it had never been there. The colors were constantly changing and were incredibly attractive. I could have watched them forever! There was also gentle music that seemed to arise in a strange way from the sounds of footsteps. And the movements of the walkers in the corridor seemed strangely lively, something I had never seen before. I had to call myself to order several times because I had reveled too much in the music and the beauty of the colors.
But somehow these colors and the music seemed to have a healing effect, the visitors to the corridor were constantly integrating lost personality parts. Strange. I thought to myself that I should ask the corridor how it did it, but immediately forgot the question.
Finally, Satan pulled me out of this dreamy state by asking Kersti what was going on. The corridor was no longer letting people out.

Summary for earthly purposes from the evaluation report:
The architecture of the Akashic Records rooms routinely uses six spatial dimensions. Three of these dimensions define the space within the room, i.e. what the visitors subjectively perceive as a room, and three other dimensions serve to lead corridors past each other without having to use stairs or elevators and without them crossing each other.
We also use two time dimensions to track temporal splits.
After comparing the memories of all the parts involved, we came to the conclusion that something was wrong. Again and again, two of the visitors to the corridor seemed to have been in exactly the same place at the same two-dimensional point in time according to our six-dimensional spatial concept, without noticing each other.
In addition to our concept of space and time, our ideas about how physics works are also much more complex than an earthly brain can represent, and even according to these ideas, what the various parts in the corridor had experienced was simply impossible.

An'tah one of the core Akashic Record Access Point writes:
After I had corridored a bit, they wanted me to take a break from playing the corridor and let the people out again so that they could evaluate the experience. I then suggested that I could play the room in which they evaluate the experience. I believe such rooms are called lecture hall and lecturer. They wanted to know whether I wanted to be the lecture hall or the lecturer, but I explained to them that you have to be the lecture hall and lecturer for it to work properly. I don't understand anyway why the lecture hall and lecturers have a gap in the nervous system of their functional unit.
They said:
"Well, then you are both."
So I hall-lectured them until they had experienced roughly what it is like to be a akashic record access point and how it feels.

C'her'ash writes
The day after he had played the corridor, the Access decided that he wanted to be a lecture hall with a lecturer to explain to us what it means to be an Akashic Record Access Point. After the - still not fully evaluated - experience with the corridor, we were naturally worried about what strange effects might come out of it, but on the other hand we found the suggested topic so interesting that we would have been reluctant to miss the lecture. So we went along with it.
It was a dizzying experience. The hall reacted to every thought I had from my seat in the lecture hall, answered every question I had in my head in the lecture, constantly changed the lighting according to my needs, faded in film scenes and finally gave me the task of taking on the form of a simulator and creating a simulator environment for a fly it had created.
Little by little I entered a strangely relaxed state where I felt like I had never wanted anything. The fly had a strong will with which it conjured up images and ideas in me and brought back memories. I enjoyed these images and memories from my memory as passively as one normally watches a sunrise, only it was a much more vivid feeling. The fly became a mosquito, created landscapes and spider images in me, flew around and tried to sting the spider and suck it dry, but I was so relaxed that the sting had no effect on me, only gave it the feelings it ordered.
Suddenly dust came at me from all sides, integrated itself and I lost consciousness.
When I woke up again, I felt somewhat normal again and remembered that strange feeling of being willed back and forth by others without reacting in any way.
Next to me was the healer who had healed the injuries that I had integrated along with the dust.

The archivist Is'ah'tah writes:
After comparing the memories of the various listeners to the lecture, we knew that no two had heard the same lecture. For each of them, the various statements had arrived in a different order and had been explained in different ways and with different examples.
We calculated the memory protocol of the lecture and came to the conclusion that the access did not have enough mass to spend the computing time that it had obviously spent teaching us.
It had actually given a separate lecture to each individual listener and had responded to every thought and action of every single person. And from everything we knew, that was simply impossible. He simply couldn't have the necessary skills for that.
The access said he could easily teach us how to do it. Well, I was curious and told him so.

After this excursion to non-human selves, I return to the distant past of the material earth.

Content

11. Multiple personalities and former personality selves

There are some books which describe personalitis of people whole I was split by traumatic experiences in multiple selves. Examples are: "The flock" by Autor:

Joan Frances Casey and "When rabbit howls" by Autor:

Truddi Chase. The story gets more complicated when spiritual selves are involved. In "The minds of Billy Milligan" by Autor:

Daniel Keyes there are astonishing selves.

How does Billy Milligan's Ragen Vadascovinich get his abilities?
Billy Milligan (1955–2014)'s full name is William Stanley Milligan and he was the first person in US history who, because he had multiple personalities, was found not guilty and therefore received psychiatric treatment instead of a prison sentence. He did not graduate from high school^{4. S.I}, but according to the intelligence test results of his majority, some of whom have an IQ significantly above 100^{4. S.69}, this cannot have been due to a lack of intelligence. The cause was probably the psychological problems that led to stays in psychiatric hospitals during his school days.
Among the ten personality parts known to the treating physicians when Billy was sentenced at the age of 26, the following entry can be found:
"Ragen Vadascovinich, 23. The guardian of hate. His name is derived from "rage again". As a Yugoslav, he speaks English with a recognizable Slavic accent and reads, writes and speaks Serbo-Croatian. As a weapons and ammunition specialist and karate expert, he shows extraordinary physical strength, which comes from his ability to control the release of adrenaline at will. He is a communist and an atheist. It is his job to be the protector of women and children. He dominates [Billy Milligan's] consciousness in dangerous places. He has associated with criminals and drug addicts and admits to criminal and sometimes violent behavior. He weighs 210 pounds, has huge arms, black hair and a long drooping beard. He draws in black and white because he is colorblind.^{4., p.XI}
The appearance described does not match Billy Milligan's appearance and is fictional or subtle, depending on how you look at it. On the other hand, the statement that he is colorblind is to be understood in relation to his actual earthly perception. He also puts on different colored socks together on earth because he cannot see the difference^{4. p.180}. So although the other parts of Milligan with the same body can see colors and create colored paintings, Ragen is not able to do so. Shawn, a four-year-old child part, is deaf, although all other parts can hear normally^{4. p.XIV}.
His karate skills, including the ability to control the adrenaline rush at will, are easier to explain. You can learn something like that with biofeedback training and Ragen told the author when and how he learned it.
What amazed me about the story, however, is the Slavic accent combined with the ability to write in Serbo-Croatian. It is of course not impossible that Billy, who is not of Yugoslav descent, nevertheless learned the corresponding foreign language when he was a toddler. At other times, however, a person does not learn languages in such a way that he speaks this language without an accent and the other languages with an accent. But how he then comes to be able to write this other language, which is something one usually learns much later, is a mystery! But there is also Arthur, a part who sees himself as English and speaks with a British accent, passed a math test for the bad pupil Billy when he first appeared in his childhood at school and he also reads and speaks Arabic fluently. Philip, another part, is a New Yorker, has a strong Brooklyn accent and uses vulgar expressions. The Bitch has a Boston accent.^{4. p.XI ff}
They all belong to Milligan because he was able to integrate them so that finally there was only one personality.

Stephen Kinzer wrote "Poisoner in chief. Sidney Gottlieb and the CIA search for mind control" a book about the United States importing Nazi scientist with the help of a project called paperclip to make the perfect corvered agents who themselves don't know that they are agents. He proves that LSD was used to try this and came to the conclusion that this didn't work according to Sidney Gottlieb.

I dind't believe this conclusion, as according to this book Sidney Gottlieb complained about bad memory which prevented him from answering all the questions. This is one symptom of dissociative identity disorder or multiple personalities. And in fact there are books which describe functional mind control, using examples given by patients. Children are tortured to make them splitting their personality and than the different personality parts are trained for different tasks.^9.-13.

Example of a spiritual experience, Kersti: I wondered if perhaps I was just Xenu's split-off conscience
In the 1990s I collected material on sects and other religios communities in talking to everybody I saw on the streets who looked as if he could belong tu such an organisation. I have some Watchtowers of Jehovah's Witnesses, many religios brochures and books from them and I bought books about the same organisations in bookstores.
One of these organisations was the Scientology Church and it was depicted as the worst of all. Of course the members of the Church were of a different opinion. But in this case there was a third party, the Freezone. The Freezone war comprised of former members of the church who thought, that L. Ron Hubbard war killed by the CIA because his Auditing was a method of psychotherapy which was capable of counteracting mind-control. After the death of Hubbard many of the former high ranking members left the church and teached variants of auditing to many different people all over the world as they believed that it was nessesary to work on traumatic memories in the history of our world, to prevent the third world war.
One of these traumatic memories sounded like a science fiction story from Earth's distant past as it was understood as the reason for the extinction of the dinosaurs. Xenu was the ruller in a Star empire comprised of many stars. He killed the population of these and deported the souls to earth where they were subjectes to mind control and than thrown into volcanoes. This so called second event, as I had read in " The pied pipers of heaven"^5. by L.Kin, is a major contributing cause of the psychological problems widespread on earth that lead to environmental pollution and world wars.
I was curious when reading the story and looked to see if I could see myself in it. I found myself as Xenu, the one who reportedly destroyed many worlds! So I looked into how it all came about and found that the real perpetrators were lizard people who had first kidnapped Xenu and tortured him for a long time. Then they brought me as Xenu back to his domain and I was no longer master of my body. Unable to do anything about it, I was stuck somewhere in the back of my head, near the base of my spine, and heard myself giving a speech about how a large part of the population of the star empire at that time should be shot and the souls taken to Earth to be disposed of and destroyed as thoroughly as possible.
I then told the head of the L-Kin school about this, and she left me feeling insecure for a long time. Instead of reassuring me that I had achieved something and letting me take part in a few of her courses so that I would know that I could meet the requirements, she told me that she couldn't help me! I puzzled over how she came up with this incoherent statement for years, because I wasn't looking for help at all, but for enough training as a therapist to know that I could do it at least as well as a professional therapist.
It was only a woman I met years later who gave me the answer to the riddle after she told me about her experiences there. I also told her about my confusing experience:
"They don't have a Class 4 auditor!" she said immediately.
It hadn't occurred to me that she might have felt overwhelmed by the Xenu topic, because why would I need professional help with a topic that I had worked through without any outside help, as far as it was written in the folder I had given her to read? And if so, the logical answer would have been that I should leave the topic out of it, as I had planned to do for the weekend anyway and did.
The story with Xenu took an even stranger turn, because years later in the 2010th a person contacted me who remembered that she was Hubbard, the founder of the Scientology Church. She said that she had been to see some representatives of the free zone to work things out. Among others, she had also been to see L.Kin, whom she of course referred to by his real name, and he had asked her for instructions, so he had taken it seriously. A few work-out sessions with her convinced me too that she was Hubbard.
When we met one weekend to work on the topic together, we also came up with the topic of Xenu and she told me that she also remembered being Xenu. She could also remember the tortures that I remembered. In the second incident itself, however, she was perfectly capable of acting as Xenu and would have given the speech herself.
By now I had read enough about multiple personalities to understand what it was. When people go through traumatic experiences such as torture, they can split into several different personalities. I wondered, as I thought about it for the umpteenth time, whether I was perhaps just the split-off conscience of Xenu.

Of course the second event was not the beginning of the story. Before this the earthly culture of lizard people was destroied by beings similar to humans and this was the reason why the dinosaurs were extinct. The Xenu-Story was the revenge of the Lizard people, and mind control was the trick they used to blame the humans themselves for the crime.

During a remote viewing session, which refers to the homeworld of the Reptilians, which he previously described as a warring party fighting against the Greys and needs humanity to use their genes to create hybrids between humans and lizards, Author: Courtney Brown sees a world at the time of the dinosaurs, where lizard creatures descended from dinosaurs have built up a technical culture with the equivalent of airplanes. The Reptilians seem a little more aggressive than humans, but basically it seems to be a functioning culture that is no more problematic than ours^{17. p.203f}. When trying to find out where the planet is, he is shown the Earth at the same time, a burned world on which life has largely been eradicated. He receives the following statement: "All the building blocks of life are present, but it will take time to evolve. It is like life is supposed to evolve again, but differently. There was an evolutionary mistake, and something had to change. It is like the planet has been wiped clean."^{17. p.707}"

According to the entity "Alcheringa", channeled by Author: Valérie Judith Barrow, the reptoids have lived on Earth for a long time and created "without the permission of the source" species that were eradicated 65 million years ago by the people of their own faction with the help of asteroids thrown onto the Earth and they left the Earth bare. eaten. According to their description, a reptoid race also existed on Earth at that time. ^{18. p.446}

John Barrow remembered a life where he was a lion-like human who flew an attack on Earth with the goal of eradicating the dinosaurs, which they saw as oppressors of upright ape-like creatures that the reptoids had created to work for them in gold mining and which they controlled through mind control.^{18. p.443ff}

Content

12. World views...

My worldview and my spiritual experiences encompass parallel worlds, other universes, other multiverses and beings bigger than these all. I could list much more incredible experiences of mine, but I will stop here. Completely changing a world view once takes years and these experiences lead me to 40 years of constantly changing my worldview due to new experiences. There's more of it but I guess this is alredy too much.

Kersti

Content

Sources

↑Bild VB243.JPG: File:Kattes Hinrichtung 1730.jpg
The pictures is in the public domain due to its age.
Theodor Fontane: Die Katte-Tragödie: Der 6. November 1730. Aus: Wanderungen durch die Mark Brandenburg. ( Volltext)
The German language story I wrote down here:
FI70. Hans Hermann von Katte: Inhalt: Des Königs Lieblingsschwarzmagier
Daniel Keyes: B126.1.3 The minds of Billy Milligan. A true and terryfying journey into the mind of a multiple personality. (1995) London: Penguin books. ISBN 0-14-017266-1
I read the German translation of "The pied pipers of heaven – Who calls the tune?"
L.Kin: B80.1 Gott & Co. Nach wessen Pfeife tanzen wir? Über Geister, Dämonen, Götter, Engel, Schamanen, Gurus, Okkultisten, Magier, Kosmische Mächte, Geheimbünde, Scientologen, UFOs, Außerirdische, Galaktische Konföderationen und Verschwörungen gegen den Planeten Erde. (1996) Preußisch Oldendorf: VAP - Buchversand, ISBN 3-922367-20-8
I read the German translation of "The flock"
Joan Frances Casey: B126.1.1 Ich bin viele. (1992) Reinbek bei Hamburg: Rowohlt, ISBN 3-498-00895-1
I read the German translation of "When rabbit howls"
Truddi Chase: B126.1.2 Aufschrei. (1990) Bergisch Gladbach: Bastei Lübbe, ISBN 3-404--61133-2
I read the German translation of "Poisoner in chief. Sidney Gottlieb and the CIA search for mind control":
Stephen Kinzer: B129.2 Project Mind Control. Sidney Gottlieb, die CIA und das LSD - wie der amerikanische Geheimdienst versuchte, das Bewußtsein zu kontrollieren. (2020) München: Riva, ISBN 978-3-7423-1336-2
D.C. Hammond: Hypnosis in MPD: Ritual Abuse (genannt: Greenbaum speech). Auf der Fourth Annual Eastern Regional Conference on Abuse and Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), Thursday June 25, 1992, at the Radisson Plaza Hotel, Mark Center, Alexandria, Virginia ( Volltext 1, 2, deutsche Übersetzung)
Hans Ulrich Gresch: B126.6.1 Unsichtbare Ketten. Der Missbrauch der Hypnose und anderer Trance-Techniken durch Kriminelle, Sekten und Geheimdienste. (2003) ( Volltext 1, 2)
I read the German translation of "Healing the unimaginable: Treating Ritual Abuse and Mind Control"
Alison Miller: B126.6.2 Jenseits des Vorstellbaren: Therapie bei Ritueller Gewalt und Mind Control. (2013) Asanger, ISBN: 978-3893345793
Arbeitskreis Rituelle Gewalt der Bistümer Osnabrück, Münster und Essen (Hrsg.): B126.6.3 Rituelle Gewalt. Das (Un)heimliche unter uns. (2014) Münster: Dialogverlag, ISBN 978-3-941462-93-9
Gaby Breitenbach: B126.6.4 Innenansichten dissoziierter Welten extremer Gewalt. Ware Mensch - die planvolle Spaltung der Persönlichkeit. Erkennen - Verstehen - Behandeln (2012) Kröning: Asanger Verlag, ISBN 978-3-89334-546-5
Edith Fiore (aus dem Amerikanischen von Gisela Bongart): B126.5.1 Besessenheit und Heilung. Die Befreiung der Seele. (1997) Güllesheim: Die Silberschnur. ISBN 3-931652-08-4
Samuel Sagan: B126.5.2 Entity Possession. Freeing th Energy Body of Negative Influences. (1997) Rochester, Vermont: Destiny Books. ISBN 0-89281-612-0 ( deutsche Übersetzung, Volltext)
Malachi Martin: B126.5.3 Hostage to the Devil: The Possession and Exorcism of Five Contemporary Americans. (1992) San Francisco: Harper, ISBN: 006065337X ( Volltext)
Courtney Brown: B80.3.2 Cosmic Explorers. Scientific Remote Viewing, Extraterristrials, and a message for Mankind. (2000) New York: Signet, ISBN 0-451-20105-1
Valérie Judith Barrow: B142.23 Starlady. The true story of Valérie and Mr. Dickens and other lifetimes spent with John Barrow. (2019) Australien: Aurora House, ISBN: 978-06485216-3-1